New Blog

As happy & blessed as I felt to share the news of my pregnancy on this blog, it was with reservation because I know the possible  impact of a pregnancy announcement on a woman dealing with infertility.  I have felt that blow many times and as happy as I have been for people, it also caused me some personal grief.  It was a process to learn to "rejoice with those who rejoice", which eventually made my journey much easier, but I know not everyone is to that point yet.  So, I am choosing to stay true to the format of this blog, as a place that is sensitive to those struggling with infertility.
That being said, I am creating a separate blog to document the events of my pregnancy.  If you are up to it, please join me!  My new blog is Dear Baby. 
My heart and prayers continue to reach out to those dealing with the pain of infertility.

Ok? Ready for the IVF results?

So, July 19th two little embies were transferred during my IVF procedure. Then I kind of fell off of the earth and left you hanging. For that I do apologize. I am finally ready to share! God has blessed us with a beautiful singleton baby!! I am currently 12 weeks and 1 day. My due date is April 9. Words can not express the joy and excitement we are feeling. All the Glory to God!!

I really go to the best church...

You HAVE to watch my pastor's rendition of Lady Gaga!! I LOVE MY CHURCH!!!!

Zabaglioni

Check out the awesomely-smack-your-lips n' lick-your-fingers-good treat I made last night:

Want the recipe??

Ok, here it is:

1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/4 cup heavy whipping cream
4 egg yolks
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup marsala cooking wine
1 pinch salt
10 raspberries

Serves two

On low heat stir the whipping cream & choc chips until melted, set aside, but keep warm

In a bowl combine egg yolks, sugar, marsala wine, & salt
Simmer some water in a pot, place the bowl (with egg yolk mixture) over the simmering water. Make sure the water does not touch the bottom of the bowl. Wisk for approx 4 minutes until the egg mixture is thick and frothy. (You don't want it too hot, or the egg yolks will scramble)

Spoon the chocolate into 2 wine glasses
Place approx 5 raspberries in each wine glass
Then spoon the egg mixture over the raspberries, creating layers.

Bon appetite!

Listen

G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S voices!

Cliff Hanger

I know I have left you hanging. Please bare with me as I wait for the right time & words to share the results.
Love to you all.

So you think the 2ww is hard?

Try the 8 hour wait!!! Killer!
I got my blood drawn this morning... awaiting beta results!

Broken Birds & Bees

I read this on another blog-- it is hilarious! A must see!



Two more days till my BETA test!! Prayers please!

I heart Petri & Titi

ET (Embryo Transfer) was yesterday at 7am.
I got to the RE a little before 7am. They had me change into a hospital gown and took my blood pressure and vitals. They handed John a one piece "Ghostbusters" looking white jump suit and shoe covers to put on. They pulled the curtain and instructed me to slowly drink my 24 oz water bottle over the next 45 minutes because I needed to have a full bladder for the procedure.
Just as I was feeling as though I needed to pee, they came in to get us. They wheeled us into the OR and I switched beds. Once in the OR, the embryologists from the lab came and asked to me state my name out loud and they looked at my hospital bracelet. When they were sure it was me, they went and got my 2 embryos. The doctor instructed us to look at a wall mounted flat screen TV, where our last name appeared on a clear circle. The picture became blurry as they increased the zoom, and there they were. Two perfect circles with little circles inside them: Our embryos.
The doctor said they were high quality 8 cell embryos.
The embryologists brought them into the ER in a long syringe. They were inserted into my uterus and that was it. Painless and easy. Though I still had residual pain from the ER on Tuesday, this procedure did not hurt.
As I was leaving the OR, the doc handed me a small petri dish with my name on it. He called it their first cradle. I thought that was cute and I cherish it. He also gave me a certificate describing the quality of my embies. A birth certificate of sorts.
They wheeled me back to the original room and I was instructed to lay flat for one hour. This was uncomfortable because I had a very full bladder. After one hour, I was allowed to go to the bathroom. I was then released.
I have the normal fears of a first timer. Can I pee the embies out? If I stand up too soon will they fall out? I said I prayer to God, releasing the worries to him. I told him that I would just do my part for it to be successful, but the rest was in his mighty hands.
Ofcourse, I still have some worry and am being extra careful. However, I do feel much better.
I have named my embies: Petri for petri dish & TiTi for test tube. The names are cute and they make me laugh.
So, I'm spending another day on the couch. My husband is being a great care taker. My parents took care of me yesterday while my husband was at work. They are great care takers too. I am blessed.

Ok, everyone, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE we are not out of the woods, prayers are crucial, so please don't stop!! Thank you!

Commercial that ALWAYS makes me cry

Since I have been off of work all summer, I have been watching "The Duggars: 19 Kids and Counting" in the morning. This commercial plays every morning and makes me tear up --it stirs up some strong emotions in me every time I see it.



Tomorrow is embryo transfer day!!! It was so strange K Love radio called my cell phone randomly today and asked if I had a prayer request. I had not contacted K Love since my birthday when I made a donation to them. Of all days to randomly call, I take it as a sign from God.
The man on the phone said that I should know that I have a small army at K Love praying for me to become pregnant and have a baby. That phone call was so encouraging and such great timing. It can only be from the one and only-- GOD!

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

God bless y'all~

Stow aways

So, last post I said I had 12 eggs. It turns out, I had 19 eggs! That explains the degree to which my stomach is hanging out. I am so bloated, I already look pregnant!
So, here are my counts:
19 eggs
14 mature
5 immature
14 fertilized
13 embryos

Yeah! I have 13 embies growing in the incubator right now. Potential children, growing outside of my body. God is good!
Two will be transferred on Friday and the remainder will be cryo- preserved (frozen). Please continue to pray! So far so good!!!!

12

I had my egg retrieval today!

I got there at 6:30am and they asked me to change into an oh-so-sexy hospital gown. Once changed, they had me sit in a bed for about 40 minutes as we waited for the meds to kick in from my IV drip. John gave me a kiss before they wheeled me off to the operating room. I remember entering the OR and having to move beds. Then nothing.. I was out.
Next thing I know, I woke up back in the room I had started out in. They took my vitals and then called John out of the waiting room to see me. I will still quite out of it and don't remember the conversations that John says we had.
We had to wait for an hour before they released me. They took my vitals a few more times before I changed back into my clothes.
The doctor told me that they had retrieved 12 eggs. 8-10 is the average, so that was a great outcome!
The rest of the day has been quite painful. It hurts to walk, cough, laugh and even (TMI) pee! I have been resting on the couch all day, dozing in and out of sleep.
I am excited to find out the fertilization rate tomorrow to see how many embryos we have! Thank you to my friends and family for the prayers and support!

Little update

I finished my stims yesterday. They were not as bad as I thought. With me only feeling sick the last two days. With a prayer, I closed my eyes and took my trigger shot tonight. One last boost for my little oocytes!
Tuesday the doc will go in and retrieve the multiple eggs that have developed due to the stimulation shots (stims). The eggs will be fertilized outside of the body and grown for a few days. On Friday, the best two will be transferred.
Then starts the hardest 2ww of all. I hope to do a lot of fun things during the 2ww. Distractions to make the anxiety, craziness, and unbearable curiosity of the 2ww manageable.
Why is this 2ww so hard? What exactly is riding on this?
1)IVF is the dead end of the baby making road. It is intimidating to know that there are no other options available to you, outside of more $11,500 IVF cycles & $3,000 in meds.
2) I have exceeded my lifetime infertility insurance benefits. That means ANYTHING I have done related to infertility has to come out of pocket from now on. Just to give you an idea, one of my medications cost $1,800.
3) Because I have not allowed myself to think negatively. I feel that it will taint the outcome. So, if things go south, I am by NO means prepared to handle that. (Becuase it is NOT an option)
4) Because people know. People will want to know the outcome, whether good or bad.
5) My mom and I have bought some baby clothes. (I know, I am torturing myself)
6) Because we long so much for a baby it hurts. It hurts all over, in my heart, my soul, my mind, in my core...

Please pray for us! Particularly on Tuesday and Friday of this week.
Love to all!

Psalms 113:9
He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD.

Goals

I started my IVF acupuncture today. It was a different/cool/relaxing experience. It even helped my neck pain from the car accident.
During the consultation, the acupuncturist wrote a sheet of goals, recommendations, and a schedule of appointments.
The goal at the top of the paper said: "A healthy full term baby"
The goal made me tingle and reminded me that the reality of my baby/babies may be closer than I think.
If this IVF cycle does work, I will be the same age as my mom was when she had me & my baby will be born in April-- just like I was! That would be the best birthday present ever!
I hope history repeats itself in this case!
I am so excited! I learn about my meds and shots at my RE appointment tomorrow.
I will keep you posted!

Pin Cushion for Free!

I was happy and thankful yesterday. I had decided to participate in acupuncture along with my IVF because it is said to help with the success rates. The Acupuncture place is even located in the same office as my RE! So, I made my consultation appointment and was told that the IVF acupuncture costs close to $800. If it helps, it is worth it to me. So, I signed up.
Well- yesterday, I was on the phone with my health insurance about the millions of shots that I have ordered for my IVF treatments. I decided to just ask them about acupuncture. I didn't think they would cover any of it, but guess what!?? They do! I get 20 visits per year! Thank you insurance, and most of all, THANK YOU, GOD! I feel like through this whole process God has shown John and I small victories though each month has ended with BFNs.
I am so hopeful that this procedure will go well. I have learned so much through this experience. Though God's time and my time have not matched up, I know that he has a reason and a plan. A plan that will just blow our minds when it is revealed, because it is not possible for us to see the big pic that God sees.
Sometimes I struggle with not putting all my faith in the docs, meds, and procedures. I look at the stats and reports on IVF, but for what? Does it even matter? This is all just the train, GOD is the conductor. He is in control. I am happy for that.
Luke 12:25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

IF decoder

2WW = 2 Week Wait
AF = Aunt Flo – your period
BCP = Birth Control Pills
BD = Baby Dance (i.e. sex)
Beta = Blood test for HcG (pregnancy hormone)
BFN = Big Fat Negative (not pregnant)
BFP = Big Fat Positive (PREGNANT!)
BW = (B/W) - Bloodwork
CD = Cycle Day
DP= Days past
ER= Egg Retrieval
ET= Egg Transfer
Follies = Follicles or Eggs
HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
HSG = Hysterosalpingogram (X-ray test that examines inside of the uterus/fallopian tubes)
IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
IVF = In Vitro Fertilization
M/C = miscarriage
MFI = Male Factor Infertility
OB = Obstetrician
PG = Pregnant
POAS = pee on a stick, take a pregnancy test
RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
SA = Semen Analysis
TI = Timed Intercourse
TTC = Trying to Conceive
US = Ultrasound

Take a ride with me

A week after my 2nd anniversary, John and I sat in the doctor's office discussing the procedures that are our future for the next month or two. We have reached the point and made the decision to do IVF 
In honor of this decision, I have decided to review the roller coaster of my IF:
December 2009-Stopped BCPs
Jan 2010-- discussed IF with my gyno, she said to TTCN for 6 months and see her in June if I was still not pregnant
June 2010- I had gotten my period once (March) since Jan 2010.  Doctor gave me Provera to start my period
June 16, 2010-- my first round of Clomid 50mg
July 2, 2010-- blood test showed no ovulation
July 13, 2010-- Provera to start my period
July 23, 2010--  I never got my period; started 100mg of Clomid
Aug 2, 2010-- started my period (all messed up)
Aug 10, 2010-- + ovulation test
Aug 21, 2010-- BFN
Aug 26, 2010 -- Start period
Sept 2010-- Left my gyno and called a Reproductive Endocrinologist (The Jones Institute)
Sept 3, 2010-- HSG: normal results
Oct 2010-- 2.5 Femara - No ovulation
Nov 2010-- 5 Femara -- No ovulation
Dec 2010-- 7.5 Femara-- Egg size 20mm
Dec 28, 2010-- Ovidrel trigger shot
Jan 2011--BFN
Jan 2011-- 7.5 Femara & Ovidrel shot, mature egg, BFN
Feb 2011-- 7.5 Femara & Ovidrel shot, mature egg, BFN
March 2011-- 7.5 Femara, forgot  to bring my Ovidrel shot to India, BFN
April 2011-- 7.5 Femara & Ovidrel shot, 2 mature eggs, really excited, want twins, but instead BFN
May 2011- 7.5 Femara & Ovidrel shot, 19mm egg, BFN
June 9, 2011-- start period
June 10, 2011-- start BCPs & get bloodwork (Day 2)
June 13, 2011-- IVF consult.  LH is 3x FSH, so ICSI is recommended also
June 21, 2011-- My next appt to go over my IVF schedule & learn how to administer the shots

My first consult went really well.  The doc was very optimistic and so am I.  I appreciate prayers very much!  Thank you for all who support us.  Friends, family, & Hannah's Prayer Ministry

Come Home, Baby...

Honeymoon

2 years ago I was curling my toes in the warm sand of a Mexican beach. I was a proud new wife. Smiling from ear to ear, glowing from the inside out. Two years later I am happy to say that I am still a proud wife. I am blessed so much to have a husband that continues to make me smile from ear to ear and glow from the inside out.
6/6/11 -- my 2nd anniversary


Enjoy these pics from our honeymoon at the El Dorado Royale in Riviera Maya, Mexico

Summer

Sun hitting your back, open the door to a warm blast of air, sand between your toes, unpack the bikini and tank tops, new pedicure in a vibrant shade of pink, hiking with the dogs, picnics, summer vacation, wake boarding, boating, camping, cook outs, flowers, bright colors, birds singing, happy, flip flops, SPF 30, weddings, hydrangeas, blasting music with the windows down, Nags Head, Lake Gaston, the warm wind blowing through your hair... I love summer!
I love to pick hydrangeas from my garden~
This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Jesus Take the Wheel

Driving down the street, listening to Psalms on my audio Bible, thinking about the day ahead-- I turn my head and see an SUV closing in a small gap between it and my driver's side window.  Then I'm gripping the wheel as the impact hits-- the car moves with out control, shaking violently, as it is thrown onto the curb.  It stops moving, I think about my legs, my arms, my head, miraculously I am in tact.  Then a loud hissing, panic sets in, is this car going to explode?  I can't see out the side window, I push on the door-- stuck.  I throw off my seat belt, open the passenger side door and crawl to the grass.  Panic, fear, anger, adrenaline...
Then thankfulness sets in as I talk to a witness, who kindly calls the police and asks if I am ok.  Pain in my neck, head, shoulder, and leg set in, but I can move & am not bleeding.  I walk back to my car and turn it off.  I see the three airbags.  (The hissing noise I had heard earlier) They came to my aid with out my knowledge, they were not even a part of my memory.  God came to my aid with out my knowledge as he does in every aspect of my life.

No matter what I did, when that impact hit my car, I was not in control. No matter how hard I try to control my life, I am not in control. This experience reminded me to let go.  To remember who is in control.  To remember when I try to control every part of my life, it is an idol effort.  Sometimes I find myself laying my hopes on the medication and doctors who are helping me with my IF.  God can snap his figures and grant my wish.  He is in control, not the doctors, not the meds, and certainly not me... So, all I have to say is Jesus take the wheel.  (Listen to the Carrie Underwood song "Jesus Take the Wheel" below)

My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: 
For length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. 
Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:  So shalt thou find favor and good understanding in the sight of God and man.  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Proverbs 3:1-6

Try this

Try this with the BBQ chicken Sandwiches!  Super good and your hands feel super soft after you wash off the oil you coat the potatoes in!  Baked Potatoes!

A New Recipe

After a weekend of "camping ", I want something easy to make for dinner, so I can recover from roughin' it.  OK, let's be real, camping with 2 flat screens and 2 queen size beds-- not quite so rough... I just don't want to spend my last holiday before summer break slaving over a stove.  So, here check this recipe out! Recipe
Happy Memorial Day! And thank you for all the military active duty, veterans,  dependents, and retired (my daddy is one!) for all that you do to protect our freedom and country!

BFN

BFN- IF term for Big Fat Negative
I am concentrating today on being thankful for what I do have.
This song is in my mind today and I thought I would share it with you.
Casting Crowns- Praise you in this Storm

"You never left my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm"

A Giada Recipe

I saw this recipe on the food network the other day while waiting for my oil to get changed.  It looked sooo good.  I'm going to be making it very soon!!I don't eat  pork, so I am going to do it  with chicken. How does Giada make and eat all this stuff and stay skinny?

•  
• 2 (8-ounce) 1-inch thick, boneless pork loin chops
• Olive oil, for drizzling
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 2 teaspoons herbes de Provence
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1/4 cup packed chopped fresh basil leaves
• 2 teaspoons lemon zest
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• 1 (1 pound) loaf ciabatta or rustic bread, ends trimmed, cut in 1/2 horizontally
• 4 romaine lettuce leaves, halved lengthwise
• 4 ounces fontina cheese, cut into (1/4-inch thick) slices

Directions

Put a grill pan over medium-high heat or preheat a gas or charcoal grill. Drizzle the pork chops on both sides with olive oil and season with salt and pepper, to taste. Sprinkle both sides with the herbs de Provence and grill for 10 minutes. Turn the chops over and cook until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the meat registers 160 degrees F. Transfer the chops to a cutting board and let them rest for 10 minutes. Slice each chop into 6 (1/4-inch thick) slices.
In a small bowl, combine the mayonnaise, basil, lemon zest, and lemon juice until smooth. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.
To assemble the sandwiches: Lay the bottom half of the bread on a work surface and spread with 1/2 of the mayonnaise mixture. Add the lettuce leaves, arrange the cheese slices on the lettuce and top with the pork slices. Spread the top half of the bread with the remaining mayonnaise mixture and cover the sandwiches. Slice the loaf into 4 pieces and serve.

My Birthday

I have been a little bit of slacker lately! We will say I was just taking some time off for my birthday~

April 28- I turned 21  ( yeah... right...)


I went to a Joyce Meyer conference for my birthday. It was so amazing to see her in person and hear her preach. I watch her show every weekday morning while I get ready for work. The music was amazing and they played a lot of my favorite songs, including "How he Loves".

The next evening, John took me to a surprise dinner at the Melting Pot.  Yum!  We got the spinach and cheese appetizer, our favorite salad (the California Salad), an amazing entree including filet and lobster, and then the best part--- Desert!  Dark chocolate and dolce de leche fondue with fruit, marshmellows, pound cake, brownies, and various other dippers!

The next morning, we left for Leesburg, where we attended my college roommate's wedding!  Her wedding was held at a historic mansion with a beautiful garden.  We had an excellent time-- I  felt like I was back in college.  I was glad that my hubby got to meet those friends, because they are awesome and not local.  

All in all, it was a wonderful birthday weekend.  I feel so blessed for my husband, family, dogs, and friends. 
Good night~ God bless

Favorite Recipe Easter Edition

Pear Salad

* 1/2 cup walnut halves
* 5 to 6 cups arugula, cleaned and dried
* 1 Bosc or Anjou pear, thinly sliced
* 1 lemon
* 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, eyeball it
* Salt and freshly ground black pepper
* 8 ounces Gorgonzola (get a piece that will crumble easily for you) or blue cheese crumbles

Directions

Toast nuts in small pan over medium heat until fragrant. Cool.

Combine arugula and pear in a salad bowl, add nuts then dress the salad with lemon juice and olive oil, salt and pepper. Top salad with lots of blue cheese crumbles.

How he loves...

“Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)

Feeling much better today.

I wanted to share with you my all time favorite song. It is great when done by my church band too!

Pregnancy test day

Scared and excited...
Dreaded and awaited...

Is this the day that I can step off of the roller coaster and breathe?
I had two good follicles this month. Yipee- does that mean twins?
Can I finally trash the pills, shots, books, & compounds?
Thinking of ways to break the good news to my husband...
What if it is multiples?  Couples with IF often have multiples, right?
Hmmm... Addison Sarah Emily or Addison Eva Mae...
Imagining the look on my mom's face when I tell her.
Posting an ALL CAPS status on facebook stating that it is finally my turn!
Imagining what it will be like to hold in my arms what I have known is my destiny since I was a little girl.

2 minutes up~ Time to check the stick...

Negative...

Punch me in the stomach, it would hurt less. Crushed hopes, dreams, with no clear end in sight. Praying for everything in me to hold it together for the next 8 hours to counsel other people when I want to crawl in bed and never come out myself.
Praying for God's will to be done, but wanting my own. 
I don't want to do it again, but I will.

Lather/Rinse/Repeat times 16 and counting....


Maybe next month...

India Part II : Clothes

A few times while I was in India, I wore the traditional garmets.  The first two pix were taken outside of the church where my parents were married.  We attended a service and took communion at that church.
The third picture was taken after John and I treated our family to lunch at Mainland China. It was our farewell lunch with the family, because we left that night. 
In the above pix I am wearing selwar kameez .  You can see the variations of it in the 3rd picture. My mom (far left) and I are wearing it with leggings.  It is traditionally wore with a lose fitting pant and a long scarf like my cousin (sage green).  My cousin (sage green) & Aunt (gold) both have tops that go past their knees, where my moms and I are above the knee.  I thought that wearing long pants and a long top in the heat would be uncomfortable and hot, however the nature of the material was breathable.

These pictures were taken before and during my cousin's wedding.  I am wearing a Sari, which is a long piece of ornate cloth (mine is silk) wrapped in a specific way over a blouse (choli) and a long underskirt.  For those who are not used to it, it is a little uncomfortable and hard to wear.  It is gorgeous, though.  I had a fear that I would accidentally step on the bottom and unravel the whole thing down to my undergarments. Truth is, the way it is wrapped is tight and would not just fall off or unravel easily.  Women who are used to wearing a sari, can wear it comfortably doing almost anything.  I have seen women landscaping at a resort in a sari. Some women in the army have a sari uniform. 
There are various ways to wrap a sari, usually based upon the local style or culture.  I believe below is the style of wrap I wore:
Dravidian – sari drapes worn in Tamil Nadu; many feature a pinkosu, or pleated rosette, at the waist.I am going to the Taste Of India Festival tomorrow.  Can't wait to experience a little bit of India again!

God bless you all!

Comfort Food for the Soul

II Corinthians 1:20 says "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "yes" in Christ.".

A friend shared this verse with me today.  It is very uplifting. Ofcourse, I look at in the view of IF and how this verse can strengthen me when I am faced with IF challenges or disappointments.   What ever  you may be facing, let these words from God strengthen you as well.
 
Thankful that the Lord left us with his loving words to comfort us.

Happy birthday to my dog, Lucy!  One year old! Woo hoo!

God bless y'all~

My dog's celebrity look alike

Have you ever been watching TV and thought, "Wow! That person looks like my ....dog?"

This is totally in fun, no disrespect to Sandra Oh.  I actually think she and my dog are very pretty! Here they are- what do you think?

Haha!  Just for fun, but I see a resemblance!
Have a blessed weekend!

My Favorite Recipe Wednesday

This one is from the kitchen of my Aunt, Danette!  It is super good!

Pineapple Desert
20 oz can crushed pineapples
Large vanilla instant pudding mix
16oz sour cream
Graham cracker pie crusts (2)

Combine first 3 ingredients (do not drain pineapple)
Pour mixture into 2 large pie crusts

India 2011

I'm back... I don't know where to start or how to begin to explain the amazing time I had in India.  I never quite knew that something was missing until I began to experience my history first hand. I never knew that things like, seeing where my grandparents lived, or where my parents grew up, to stand next to a grave of a family member I ever got the chance or honor to meet, or to see where my dad caught the bus for medical school, were important or relevant to my life.  They so are! The profound feeling I got from taking in the sights, smells, and sounds of my parent's reality is more than my words can describe.  It is a memory I will hold in my heart for the rest of my life.  Pictures from my parent's youth, or the stories they have relayed to me, could not compare or give me such a deep understanding as actually experiencing it was able to.
I understand my parents more.  They have to be admired, because the culture they migrated from is so different than life here in the US.  When people say it is a different world, it definitely is! I could not imagine leaving my family and friends, my culture, language, and work to move literally across the globe to a completely different world and thrive as they have.  How about having a daughter who has minimal understanding of where they came from? One who relates much more to the new culture than the one they grew up in?  It is a pretty complex dynamic, but one that happens with many first generation children.

Airport - greeted with garlands

Auto-rickshaw and driver

Anyways.. where do I begin.  We were greeted at the airport by my mom and two aunts with garlands made of fresh, fragrant flowers!  The first noticeable difference was the traffic! Our driver was running red lights left and right!  Even in the wee morning hours, cars, bikes, auto-rickshaws, and trucks were weaving in and out of their lanes with no rhyme or reason.  It was pretty scary and had me gripping the seat belt, praying to make it safely to our destination.  As time, passed, I learned to love the high paced, chaotic, traffic.  Riding the auto- rickshaws became one of my favorite things to do! 

John w/ the boys from the village

The crib in the village

Hut with coconut leaf roof

View from the top

Ancient Hindu Temple on a moutain

We did a lot of sight seeing during our time in India.  On our second day we visited the Indian Government Museum.  It was pretty funny the entrance fee for Indian nationals was 15 rupees, it was 250 for foreigners!  Talk about a mark up!  The museum consisted of 5 galleries displaying various statues (many Hindu statues dating back from 900 BC), Indian money through the years (starting from 400BC), and animal skeletons.  Later on our trip we visited an area called Mahabalipuram where many vendors display and sell their crafts.  In this town, we also climbed a mountain that lead to an ancient Hindu temple.  At the top, we took in gorgeous coastal views of turquoise waters, palm trees, and clear skies.  Paradise!  We toured an Indian village.  It was very interesting to see how these people made the most of what they had and how happy they seemed to be.  They lived in huts with thatched coconut leaves as the roof, the floors were cement, and there was no AC.  The people were so friendly and open.  Though expensive, they opened a new carton of mango juice and insisted that we have some.  Some village boys, really took to John (my husband).  They climbed a tree and chopped down papayas, John took a video of this, the boys were tickled to see themselves on tape!   

Well, I am glad to be back.  I will write more over the next couple of days.  I have a lot more to tell of my Indian adventures, stay tuned!  God bless you all.

Favorite Recipe Wednesday!

Ravioli With Apples & Walnuts

Favorite Recipe Wednesday will be on hold for a few weeks while I am in India, until then, try this yummy recipe! I haven't made it in a while, but it is sooo yummy! Sweet, salty, & cheesy!

Ingredients

• 1 pound cheese ravioli (frozen or fresh)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/2 cup walnuts, roughly chopped
• 1 crisp apple (such as Braeburn or Gala), cut into matchsticks
• 1/2 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
• kosher salt and black pepper
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan (1 ounce)

Directions

1. Cook the ravioli according to the package directions.
2. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a medium skillet over medium heat. Add the walnuts and cook, stirring often, until lightly toasted and fragrant, 4 to 5 minutes.
3. Add the apple, parsley, ½ teaspoon salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper and toss to combine. Spoon over the ravioli and sprinkle with the Parmesan. (realsimple.com)

My talented Pooch

Below is the poem my dog, Tucket, wrote for my husband for Valentine's Day:

Love you to the Bone
By: Tucket

A note of love from Mommy, me, & Lu
about a special bond between us and you.

I give you love with a lick & a bark,
for every day walks & trips to the park.

You work so hard with a good attitude,
so we can eat Merrick instead of Alpo dog food. (Yuck!)

I can tell you love my Mommy with all of your heart,
your kindness & caring really set you apart.

Though I steal your pillow & lay on your head,
you scoot over & let me stay in the bed.

For nail trims, baths, & things I don't like,
I know you are just caring for your number one tyke!

May God continue to light your way,
and bless your life from day to day.

Whether hiking, snuggling, or playing keep away,
near my daddy is where I will stay!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Pets Need Love Too

I read the other day that less than 3% of pet owners get their pets presents for Valentine's Day.  Valentine's Day is all about LOVE~ so this year, remember that member of your family who literally can't live with out you.  The family member whose day is made when you walk through the door.  The first to greet you when you come home.  The one who acts like "where have you been all my life?" when you return from a quick walk to the mailbox outside. The one who folds his ears back when you leave for work.  The one who tries to just shake her tail when she sees you, but the whole back end of her body shakes from side to side too.  The ones who don't pull away when you stick your icy cold feet under them.  The smallest members of the family who, somehow,  take the most room in bed.  The ones who will literally jump when you say jump, and would ask you "how high?", if they spoke English. Unconditional love and affection wrapped in fur. 

Don't forget the homeless animals too!  Donations to your local SPCA, Humane Society, or rescues help those heroes show love to the animals who don't yet have a forever home.

God bless you this Valentine's Day~

Valentine's Day Dinner

John and I are going to celebrate Valentine's Day numero 4 at Schlesinger's Steakhouse today!Schlesingers

My Furry Valentines

Grumpy face

What a cutie patootie

I hurt my neck over the weekend and every time I got up, 'Tucket would steal my heating pad!

What a sweet lovie!

Favorite Recipe Snow-day!

 I made this on Saturday- it was yummy!
Pineapple Fried Rice
1 cup long grain white rice
1 20 oz can pineapple tidbits (drained)
4 green onions chopped
2 tps red chili flakes (or more to taste)
2 cups fresh shrimp,cleaned
3 tbs oil, divided
3 cloves garlic minced
2 tbs fish sauce (stinky!)
1 1/2 tbs soy sauce
1 tsp sugar
 Prepare rice as directed on package
In a bowl, mix together pineapple, onions, & chili flakes.
Heat 1 tbs oil in skillet, saute shrimp until done.  Remove shrimp from skillet.  In same skillet, over med heat, add remaining oil. Saute garlic until golden brown.  Add cooked rice & stir. Add fish sauce, soy sauce, and sugar. Stir & heat thoroughly.  Fold in pineapple mixture & shrimp. Heat thoroughly.  serves 6

Virtual Tag- I'm it!

Heather at Reach in, Reach out, Reach up tagged me to play a little blog game!

1. if you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family? 
They are animals?  Really?  I could have sworn I gave birth to them... They are my children for sure. Anyway, I don't see any animal as "just an animal", they all have mommies and daddies and feelings! PETA

2. if you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
I pray daily to be a stay at home mother to children who have a close relationship with Jesus and can skip the self destruction and despair that so many endure.  I pray that I can be a blessing to others, a good person, and God's hands and feet in this world.  I would like to be happily married to John way into our old age, but still have good health. 

3. what is the one thing most hated by you?
Animal abusers

4. what would you do with a billion dollars? 
Woohoo! I have always wanted to create a high class animal shelter, where the homeless animals are pampered and given the royal treatment.  I would donate to the SPCA, Humane Society, PETA, and local rescues.  I would tithe 10%, save, & invest.  I would buy my parents and in laws what ever they asked for.  I would pay for some one's college education who other wise could not afford it, but was showing potential.  Some things I would like for my family are a house on the water, a boat,  and a vacation home somewhere quiet and relaxing. I would donate to to the Alzheimer's research foundation, many orphanages around the world, animal shelters around the world, and I would plant churches.  

5. what helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
My husband, my doggies, sweat pants, Busch Gardens, weekends, ice cream, any chocolate , showering, a new hair cut, massages, the first warm wind of spring, hiking, & Christmas time!

6. which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? 

God favors us loving others.  It also feels so wonderful to beloved.  This is a toss up!

7. what is your bedtime routine?
Well, if I don't just unknowingly pass out on the couch during a movie- my routine is shower for 30 minutes, take out my contacts, and brush my teeth.  John watches sports while I am on the computer. Snuggle for a while.  I fall asleep early around 10:30pm.  This is my week day schedule. I stay up later on weekends.

8. if you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner? 
I have been married since June 2009.  I met my husband in 2007 while volunteering at a camp for kids who have lost a loved one.  We soon found out that we had been unknowingly crossing paths our whole lives.  We even went to elementary school together for one year, but were in different grades and did not know each other. I then transferred to a private school, so we never went to school together again.  We grew up in the same neighborhood right around the corner from each other (less than a 3 minute walk). I used to attend a Methodist church near our house since I was 4 years old.  When I was in high school, my family moved to TX.  The same year, John's family transferred to our church, we just missed each other. When I was 18, we moved back to VA I went off to college. My parents went back to our church.  My mom and John's mom were actually in Bible study together and had been to each others' homes. After college, I moved to CT.  In 2007, I decided to move back to VA.  I moved in with my parents (around the corner from where John was living) for a short time while I looked for a job.  We soon met at that camp. It was pretty cool because I can see how God orchestrated our lives.  He waited for us to meet when we were ready.

9. if you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? 
No one really. I appreciate a lot of creative things, but I think it would be a little boring to watch them come up with ideas. No thanks!

10. what kinds of books do you read? 
If you have not already read it "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers is AMAZING!  It is a fictional retelling of the book of Hosea.  I like Christian fiction, Joyce Meyers, and just regular fiction. 

11. how would you see yourself in ten years time?
I would have at least 2 healthy and happy children in elementary school.  I would have written a book, created some therapeutic games, and maybe have a private practice? I want John and I to still be as much in love as we were day one. I want our families to have great relationships with our children.  I want to do the work God has planned for me.

12. what’s your fear?
My parents and my husband dying.  That would be like losing my air.

13. would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
Oh no, I love chocolate too much for that. I'm cool with the view of outer space I have now. Plus, I'm claustrophobic, so the whole shuttle +  face mask helmet thing = not ok.

14. would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
Even if we were financially poor, I would be rich with the husband I have been blessed with. I know this sounds cheesey, but it is sooo true, he is amazing.

15. what’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Turn off my alarm, thank God for letting me, my husband, and the dogs wake up to another day and I ask that he let my parents wake up too, turn on Joyce Meyer, and brush my teeth.

16. if you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
It used to be that he wouldn't leave the newspaper in the bathroom, but that stopped so, honestly NOTHING!

17. if you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
I wouldn't change it. My parents did a good job.  See my old post, "Hi my name is- what your name is?"

18. would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
I forgive, I sometimes have a hard time forgetting.  I try to, but it is often stuck in my head!

19. if you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
White Basmathi rice


Tag! You are IT:


Rob @ RobShep.com

Carlyn @ Carlyn's World
Jen @ Baby Improbable
Stobies @ Jbo & Stobies


And anyone else who wants to play along!

My Favorite Recipe Wednesday

This is so easy and yummy! It is also pretty healthy!  I sometimes serve it over a bed of jasmine rice!  (I'm Indian, I like rice with everything- LOL)

MeXiCaLi Chicken

• 3 tablespoons canola oil
• 4 boneless skinless chicken breast, rinsed and patted dry
• Salt and pepper
• 2 (16-ounce) cans pinto beans, undrained
• 2 (10-ounce) cans Mexican diced tomatoes ( Ro'Tel)
• 1 tablespoon low-sodium fajita seasoning

Directions

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat
Season chicken breasts with salt and pepper. Place in the skillet and sear about 2 minutes per side.
Place pinto beans in the bottom of a 5-quart slow cooker.
Remove chicken from skillet and place the in the slow cooker on top of the beans. Pour the tomatoes over the chicken and beans and sprinkle with fajita seasoning. Cover and cook on LOW setting for 3 to 4 hours.
Credit: Sandra Lee Semi Homemade

Happiness is:

A lot of happy things happened this week:
A friend of mine who was struggling with IF is pregnant! An answered prayer!
My appointment on Wednesday went well, this dose of medication is working!
Lulu (my Boston Terrier)'s toe is healing nicely & she is back to bullying 'Tucket, her big fur brother
We have booked our tickets to India!
I have this dark purple Banana shirt that I love and after much convincing, I walked out of Lowe's today with a gallon of dark purple paint for our guest bathroom!  Best part, my husband doesn't hate it... A little side bar- the name of the paint color is "success", quite fitting :)
I have always wanted a rain forest-esque bathroom with plants and a waterfall like shower.  Today I got a rain shower head.  It looks like a UFO, kind of, and the water comes out as either pulsating rain or drenching rain.  I feel like I'm showering in the Amazon (minus the malaria carrying mosquitoes)!
I lost a pound and a half. I would like to ditch about 10lbs

Well Fed Pooches

 My dogs' food was on sale.  This is a big deal because this stuff never goes on sale.  I bought 2 cases of it! This dog food is so fun~ it looks like human food, with real carrots, meat, blueberries etc.Very healthy!
I made up a therapeutic game about sharing feelings and used it with the kids at my volunteer job and it was a hit! The kids were asking to play more and doing a lot of healthy grief work!
John and I enjoyed a fun dinner with my dad at Bonefish Grill on Friday. The Ahi Tuna Sashimi is yummers!

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Thankful for

I needed to do a thankful list today:
1) Husband
2) Parents
3) In- Laws
4) Lulu & Tuck (my dogs)
5) John's and my jobs
6) That neither of us got laid off
7) the doctors that are working with us/ The Jones Institute
8 ) Waters Edge Church
9) Kidz N Grief
10) Other resources I use to bring me closer to God: Joyce Meyer, the Bible on tape, my community group, Klove
11) Organizations that help homeless and abused animals
12) Friends
13) HP ( IF support group)
14) that I get to go to India while my mom is there, so she can show me where she grew up and where important things occurred in her life
15) forgiveness and grace
16) that I was saved by God from a life of self destruction and sadness
17) today
18) that my dad's health has improved
19) health
20) Love

My favorite recipe Wednesday (A few days late)

Buffalo Chicken Dip

1 cup Blue cheese or ranch dressing
1 cup wing sauce (you can get a hot or mild variety, depending on your taste buds!)
2 12oz cans of chicken (I like Tyson)/ drained
1 cup cheddar shredded
1 brick cream cheese

On low heat and stir the cream cheese and wing sauce until blended
Remove from heat and stir in the dressing
Put the chicken on the bottom of an 8x8 pan
Cover with the sauce.
Bake for 20 minutes at 350
Sprinkle the cheese to cover and bake for 10 more minutes
I like to serve with crackers, celery, and tortilla scoops
Enjoy!

The Puzzle

I want to share a story that I learned many years ago at church camp when I was 8 or 9 years old. I may not tell the story exactly, but I can convey the general idea.

A town was getting tormented by a storm and immediate evacuation was deemed necessary.   One man, however, decided that he would not leave his house, because he loved God and knew that God would protect and save him. 

As the flood waters grew and the storm gained power, some friends drove to the man's house and asked him if he would like to ride in their car to safety. 

The man said, "No thank you. I will stay here, my God will protect and save me, I have faith". His friends left and drove to safety.

A while later, the flood waters had covered the streets so that no car could pass. Some rescue workers came to the man's house by boat. "Come and get in our boat, we can take you to safety!"

"No thank you," said the man, "My Lord will save me, I have faith!" After many failed attempts to convince him, the rescue boat had to leave.

The man, climbed to the roof of his house to avoid the ever rising waters.  A helicopter flew over and dropped a rope with a soldier to rescue him. "Climb on, I will help you onto the chopper!"

"No thank you.  My God will save and protect me, I do not need to leave with you."

The helicopter flew away.

Not long after, the fierce storm conditions over took the man and killed him.

Once in heaven, he approached God and asked, "Why did you not save or protect me from the storm, Lord?"

"I tried to protect you, I sent a car, boat, and helicopter to save you, but you refused."

Yes, God can and does perform miracles, however not all answers to our prayers come wrapped in a supernatural package.
People are so fast to come to the conclusions that they are just not getting answers, prayer is not working, maybe they feel God forgot them, isn't listening, or is mad at them.  God may be trying to reach you through everyday means.  Through people, places, or events that we take for granted as being "just a part of life". I don't believe that things are "just a part of life" I think things "take part in our lives".
(That is why I feel it is important to weed out negativity because it is not background noise, on some level it is "taking part in our lives".  -- that is a whole different topic, though.)
  I believe that not all prayers get an answer or response right away, and that God has his reasons for that. God has a far greater understanding of the whole picture than we do, so some things he chooses to wait on.  Others though, he is answering, however we aren't looking closely enough at the signs or messages.

Why have my prayers for a baby not been answered yet? I'm sure God could snap his fingers and send us a baby.  Is it because God is not listening, is to busy, is mad at me?  NO!  These ideas could not be farther from the truth.  God wants me to be happy, he wants it to come at the best time, so that we can reap God's best.  I believe it is also a test in faith that I am doing my best to pass.  Another reason is that John and I had really never been through anything major like this together.  This experience has revealed a lot about our communication styles, the way we handle pain, and it has strengthened us and brought us even closer. All good qualities for future parents. Through this process,  I found out that I need to alter my diet in order to prevent poor health when I am older due to an underlying medical issue I never knew I had.  If I had gotten pregnant easily, I would never have known and would have developed health problems that can easily be avoided through a modified diet now. Through this experience, I have come to realize that SO MANY women deal with this. People that I have known through out my life.  I have met amazing women through this, many whose advice and stories have helped me, and I only pray that I can help others.
Yes, I know "Polly Positivity" can be super annoying, but what if it is true and genuine?  Not pasting a smile on a sour situation, but truly what you believe?  It's not annoying then.  It's like a puzzle, as you put it together you reveal God' vision for you, what you may not be able to see in the midst of your despair.  It may takes weeks, years, a lifetime to gather pieces, we probably will not know the whole picture until we meet God face to face.
What a glorious wait when you know the best is yet to come.  Don't get me wrong, I am not always positive, especially when the tests come back negative. However, I strive to be.  I can see the lessons and their value and am excited for the reveal of the next piece of the puzzle.  Who knows, it may be the baby piece I have been waiting for.

God bless you!

My favorite recipe Wednesday

 

Serves 4| Hands-On Time: 10m | Total Time: 40m

Ingredients

• 16 to 18 ounces fresh or frozen cheese ravioli
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1/4 cup pesto
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan

Directions

1. Heat oven to 400° F. Cook the ravioli according to the package directions.
2. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, whisk together cream and pesto. Mix in the ravioli.
3. Transfer the mixture to a shallow 2-quart baking dish and sprinkle with the Parmesan. Bake until golden brown and bubbling, 20 to 25 minutes.  realsimple.com