Pregnancy test day

Scared and excited...
Dreaded and awaited...

Is this the day that I can step off of the roller coaster and breathe?
I had two good follicles this month. Yipee- does that mean twins?
Can I finally trash the pills, shots, books, & compounds?
Thinking of ways to break the good news to my husband...
What if it is multiples?  Couples with IF often have multiples, right?
Hmmm... Addison Sarah Emily or Addison Eva Mae...
Imagining the look on my mom's face when I tell her.
Posting an ALL CAPS status on facebook stating that it is finally my turn!
Imagining what it will be like to hold in my arms what I have known is my destiny since I was a little girl.

2 minutes up~ Time to check the stick...

Negative...

Punch me in the stomach, it would hurt less. Crushed hopes, dreams, with no clear end in sight. Praying for everything in me to hold it together for the next 8 hours to counsel other people when I want to crawl in bed and never come out myself.
Praying for God's will to be done, but wanting my own. 
I don't want to do it again, but I will.

Lather/Rinse/Repeat times 16 and counting....


Maybe next month...