Happiness is:

A lot of happy things happened this week:
A friend of mine who was struggling with IF is pregnant! An answered prayer!
My appointment on Wednesday went well, this dose of medication is working!
Lulu (my Boston Terrier)'s toe is healing nicely & she is back to bullying 'Tucket, her big fur brother
We have booked our tickets to India!
I have this dark purple Banana shirt that I love and after much convincing, I walked out of Lowe's today with a gallon of dark purple paint for our guest bathroom!  Best part, my husband doesn't hate it... A little side bar- the name of the paint color is "success", quite fitting :)
I have always wanted a rain forest-esque bathroom with plants and a waterfall like shower.  Today I got a rain shower head.  It looks like a UFO, kind of, and the water comes out as either pulsating rain or drenching rain.  I feel like I'm showering in the Amazon (minus the malaria carrying mosquitoes)!
I lost a pound and a half. I would like to ditch about 10lbs

Well Fed Pooches

 My dogs' food was on sale.  This is a big deal because this stuff never goes on sale.  I bought 2 cases of it! This dog food is so fun~ it looks like human food, with real carrots, meat, blueberries etc.Very healthy!
I made up a therapeutic game about sharing feelings and used it with the kids at my volunteer job and it was a hit! The kids were asking to play more and doing a lot of healthy grief work!
John and I enjoyed a fun dinner with my dad at Bonefish Grill on Friday. The Ahi Tuna Sashimi is yummers!

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Thankful for

I needed to do a thankful list today:
1) Husband
2) Parents
3) In- Laws
4) Lulu & Tuck (my dogs)
5) John's and my jobs
6) That neither of us got laid off
7) the doctors that are working with us/ The Jones Institute
8 ) Waters Edge Church
9) Kidz N Grief
10) Other resources I use to bring me closer to God: Joyce Meyer, the Bible on tape, my community group, Klove
11) Organizations that help homeless and abused animals
12) Friends
13) HP ( IF support group)
14) that I get to go to India while my mom is there, so she can show me where she grew up and where important things occurred in her life
15) forgiveness and grace
16) that I was saved by God from a life of self destruction and sadness
17) today
18) that my dad's health has improved
19) health
20) Love

My favorite recipe Wednesday (A few days late)

Buffalo Chicken Dip

1 cup Blue cheese or ranch dressing
1 cup wing sauce (you can get a hot or mild variety, depending on your taste buds!)
2 12oz cans of chicken (I like Tyson)/ drained
1 cup cheddar shredded
1 brick cream cheese

On low heat and stir the cream cheese and wing sauce until blended
Remove from heat and stir in the dressing
Put the chicken on the bottom of an 8x8 pan
Cover with the sauce.
Bake for 20 minutes at 350
Sprinkle the cheese to cover and bake for 10 more minutes
I like to serve with crackers, celery, and tortilla scoops
Enjoy!

The Puzzle

I want to share a story that I learned many years ago at church camp when I was 8 or 9 years old. I may not tell the story exactly, but I can convey the general idea.

A town was getting tormented by a storm and immediate evacuation was deemed necessary.   One man, however, decided that he would not leave his house, because he loved God and knew that God would protect and save him. 

As the flood waters grew and the storm gained power, some friends drove to the man's house and asked him if he would like to ride in their car to safety. 

The man said, "No thank you. I will stay here, my God will protect and save me, I have faith". His friends left and drove to safety.

A while later, the flood waters had covered the streets so that no car could pass. Some rescue workers came to the man's house by boat. "Come and get in our boat, we can take you to safety!"

"No thank you," said the man, "My Lord will save me, I have faith!" After many failed attempts to convince him, the rescue boat had to leave.

The man, climbed to the roof of his house to avoid the ever rising waters.  A helicopter flew over and dropped a rope with a soldier to rescue him. "Climb on, I will help you onto the chopper!"

"No thank you.  My God will save and protect me, I do not need to leave with you."

The helicopter flew away.

Not long after, the fierce storm conditions over took the man and killed him.

Once in heaven, he approached God and asked, "Why did you not save or protect me from the storm, Lord?"

"I tried to protect you, I sent a car, boat, and helicopter to save you, but you refused."

Yes, God can and does perform miracles, however not all answers to our prayers come wrapped in a supernatural package.
People are so fast to come to the conclusions that they are just not getting answers, prayer is not working, maybe they feel God forgot them, isn't listening, or is mad at them.  God may be trying to reach you through everyday means.  Through people, places, or events that we take for granted as being "just a part of life". I don't believe that things are "just a part of life" I think things "take part in our lives".
(That is why I feel it is important to weed out negativity because it is not background noise, on some level it is "taking part in our lives".  -- that is a whole different topic, though.)
  I believe that not all prayers get an answer or response right away, and that God has his reasons for that. God has a far greater understanding of the whole picture than we do, so some things he chooses to wait on.  Others though, he is answering, however we aren't looking closely enough at the signs or messages.

Why have my prayers for a baby not been answered yet? I'm sure God could snap his fingers and send us a baby.  Is it because God is not listening, is to busy, is mad at me?  NO!  These ideas could not be farther from the truth.  God wants me to be happy, he wants it to come at the best time, so that we can reap God's best.  I believe it is also a test in faith that I am doing my best to pass.  Another reason is that John and I had really never been through anything major like this together.  This experience has revealed a lot about our communication styles, the way we handle pain, and it has strengthened us and brought us even closer. All good qualities for future parents. Through this process,  I found out that I need to alter my diet in order to prevent poor health when I am older due to an underlying medical issue I never knew I had.  If I had gotten pregnant easily, I would never have known and would have developed health problems that can easily be avoided through a modified diet now. Through this experience, I have come to realize that SO MANY women deal with this. People that I have known through out my life.  I have met amazing women through this, many whose advice and stories have helped me, and I only pray that I can help others.
Yes, I know "Polly Positivity" can be super annoying, but what if it is true and genuine?  Not pasting a smile on a sour situation, but truly what you believe?  It's not annoying then.  It's like a puzzle, as you put it together you reveal God' vision for you, what you may not be able to see in the midst of your despair.  It may takes weeks, years, a lifetime to gather pieces, we probably will not know the whole picture until we meet God face to face.
What a glorious wait when you know the best is yet to come.  Don't get me wrong, I am not always positive, especially when the tests come back negative. However, I strive to be.  I can see the lessons and their value and am excited for the reveal of the next piece of the puzzle.  Who knows, it may be the baby piece I have been waiting for.

God bless you!

My favorite recipe Wednesday

 

Serves 4| Hands-On Time: 10m | Total Time: 40m

Ingredients

• 16 to 18 ounces fresh or frozen cheese ravioli
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1/4 cup pesto
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan

Directions

1. Heat oven to 400° F. Cook the ravioli according to the package directions.
2. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, whisk together cream and pesto. Mix in the ravioli.
3. Transfer the mixture to a shallow 2-quart baking dish and sprinkle with the Parmesan. Bake until golden brown and bubbling, 20 to 25 minutes.  realsimple.com

Hi my name is- What, your name is?

My name is Kavitha, meaning poem or poetry in Hindi.  I have been told that my name is very common in India, maybe like an Anne or Elizabeth is here.  My name is traditionally pronounced Ka- Vee-Tha.  After years of mispronunciation, my name has morphed into Ka-Vee-Tah or Ka-Vee-Duh to most of American heritage, including myself.

This entry is dedicated to the experiences that come with having an ethnic name in a small  community.  There are areas all over the country, for example Jackson Heights, Queens, where a name such as Kavitha is pronounced with ease and not given a second thought. I, however, do not live in one of those areas.

Since the age of 4, I can remember people creating nicknames for me. Kavit ,was the first I remember, said endearingly by my neighbor, who I often referred to as my 2nd mom.  In the 6th grade, I was called Kubby.  It was supposed to be Kavi, which is traditionally the nickname for Kavitha, however my friend's little sister accidently said Kubby, and it stuck.  I even had it embroidered onto my dance company jacket.  In high school, I hit a quasi-hippie phase and wanted to be called Sunflower, but that is a whole other blog in itself- lol.  College gave way to the nickname, Kaveets, given to me by my sorority sister, Lauren . This one really caught on and is what I am called by everyone who knew me during college and grad school.  The most recent change to my nickname comes from me not being able to fit Kaveets on to my personalized license plate.  Some co-workers now call me Kay-Veets in reference to the misspelled plate.

In addition to these given nicknames, there are many other slicings and dicings of my name that take place on a daily basis.  I used to correct people or get a little embarrassed.  Now, unless they ask, I let them repeatedly say my name wrong and either chuckle to myself or have a side splitting laugh later with my husband, who is often with me.  Ka-Vith (rhymes with "with")-ah is the most common mistake. It was great the other day John and I were at the fertility doctor and she kept saying "Kawitha , kawitha, kawitha".  It took my all to not crack up right there!  Needless to say, my husband and I referred to myself as Kawitha the rest of the day.

Some pronunciations make me question these people's ability to read or sound out words.  It's all about the phonetics, people!  Ka-Way-Tah, Ka-Bee-Tha, Kay-With-Aye... the list is endless.

I remember when I switched elementary schools from public to private, I BEGGED my parents to let me go by my middle name at my new school.  Sarah, a beacon of simplicity in a sea of less than easy to pronounce  (and spell) names!  My mom said no and explained how my name was representing who I was.  I did not appreciate it right away, it took me a while, since so many things rhymed with Kavitha (Velveeta, Chiquita, Nothing-Sweetah) and nothing seemed to rhyme with Sarah.  As I trudged through middle school being called everything under the sun that rhymed with my name, I started to embrace it.  Who wouldn't like being called Kavitha Nothin'- Sweetah?

My name had advantages.  In Spanish class, everyone got called the Spanish version of their name, Anna = Ana, Robert= Roberto.  Well, there is not a Spanish version of Kavitha, so I got to pick my name.  And ofcourse my name was a sassy tribute to the Plaza Azteca favorite- Margarita!

I remember when the 20/20 report came out that companies judge your resume by your name.  They have preconceived notions about you from your name.  My first and last name were as Indian as they come, so there was no mystery there.  I am sure that I am stumping them now since my last name is Johnson!

Once in grad school, I had a phone interview to be a waitress at a Connecticut Country Club.  I did the interview and somehow she had never asked for my name.  After I got the job, she realized she did not know my name.  When I told her, she paused, and was like that is not an American name is it?  She seemed very confused.  I explained that I was Indian.  My accent, or lack there of, threw her off! People are often amazed that I have no accent when they hear my name. If I did have any type of accent, it would most likely be a southern twang from my time in SC, TX, & VA.

Well, as I prepare for my trip to India, I will be interested to see what it is like for strangers to pronounce my name properly and possibly correct the way I say it!  I love my name now. I love the meaning, I love that it is unique, & I think it is pretty.  I like that it represents the fact that I am an American born Indian.  I even love that it brings me a lot of unexpected chuckles as people butcher it.

I honestly have no anger or annoyance that people can not pronounce my name.  I don't expect them to.  This is simply about reflecting my experiences. It is nice when people ask the correct way, but if not it just adds some humor to my life.  I grew up around Annes, Sarahs, Jenns, & Megans, so exotic names often stump me too!

In closing, I have noticed the trend of people with exotic names choosing a more common name to use in their place of work.  I, however, will never do that.  I look back on the lesson my mom taught me when I wanted to go by Sarah in the 6th grade.  My name is a part of me and I will not deny it.

Good night y'all & God bless~

Everything you want to know about me & more

My name is Kavitha and I am blessed to be a member of a loving family consisting of my amazing husband, John, & our 2 dogs 'Tucket & Lucy. We are also very lucky to have both sets of our parents living near by and spend time with them often.

In 2007, I met my amazing husband while volunteering at a bereavement camp for kids, Kidz N Grief.  After the weekend at camp, we were pretty much inseparable.  On October 13, 2008 John proposed to me on La Jolla Cove Beach in La Jolla, CA.  After an 8 month engagement, we were married on June 6, 2009.  After our wedding, we spent a magical honeymoon in Riviera Maya, Mexico.
I describe my marriage as a slumber party that never ends.  We enjoy each others company, are funny, fun, and quirky.

I can honestly say that my husband is a gift from God.  I have never met such a genuine, kind, Christian man.  He is always willing to help me, support me, and love me. He is a wonderful leader for our family and a great role model for me. He is my best friend. I thank God daily for bringing him to my life and I am not often sure what I did to deserve him.

I call my dog, 'Tucket, my side kick or my shadow.  If I go anywhere, that dog follows me.  'Tucket literally lives to be near me.  It's so sweet.  He is such a well behaved and smart dog.  He's quiet, gentle, and kind.  He has really been an important part of my life and I love him very much.

Then there is Lucy.  My little diva dog.  She is lucky she is cute because she is naughty!  Lucy is a puppy, a ball of energy!  She is very outgoing, loud, and friendly! She loves to lick and will cover your whole face and knock you down in the process. She brings fun and energy to our house, I love her very much too!

I have always had a relationship with God, however was not always living my life to glorify him.  I was always active in church, however was not walking the walk.  I began to take my relationship with Christ more seriously after college and brought it to a new level when I joined Waters Edge Church in Yorktown, VA.  I have found a freedom and serenity in Christ that I have never felt before.  I used to plague myself with worry and could easily stay up nights dwelling on trivial problems many times a week.  I don't know the last time I worried like that.  It is so freeing to trust the Lord and let go of the wheel.

6 months after John and I were married, we decided to have a baby.  That was January 2010... this past year has been trying and if I did not have faith and peace through Christ, I do not know how I would be handling it.
I have spent the past 8 months undergoing various fertility treatments.  In the process I have been injected with dyes, given myself shots in the stomach, taken medications not approved by the FDA, made bulk orders of pregnancy tests on Ebay, had awkward conversations with my supervisors as to why I have another doctor's appointment,  laughed, cried,  read every infertility related Bible verse I could find, & Googled every infertility question I could come up with. The discouraging thing is that in infertility terms, 1 year is NOTHING.

Whether it be a year or 6 (I hope not!), it will happen on God's clock.  I know that he has a vision that far surpasses my understanding, so he is waiting for everything to fall into place and be the best.  God does good for those who love him, and that I do!  I have no doubt that I will get pregnant, it is just a matter of when.

My life is by no means centered around this one aspect of my life.  Though it is a big part of it, I have so much to be thankful for and so much to keep me occupied.  I choose not to dwell on the negative and am training my attitude to be positive and pleasing to the Lord.

A few more facts about me:  My name means poem or poetry in Hindi.  I am of Indian background however was born and raised in the US.  I have not been back to India since I was 3 1/2 years old (1982)! But, I am excited to say that my husband and I will be going for 2 weeks in the end of February!   (I will post lots of pix) I am into animal rights and despise animal, child, & elderly abuse.  I have been a vegetarian for most of my life however have started eating chicken lately because my infertility diagnosis is causing me to have to go on a low carb diet.  I love to come home and put on sweats.  I like to make up silly songs for everything.  The smell of lavender and roses are intoxicating.  I am Scattegories & Scrabble queen! I want to write a book.  I want to do God's work on earth.  I regularly use olive oil soap, smelly lotions, a hair straightener, & purple eye liner.  I am listening to the Bible on tape (I have an hour commute to work) and am on the book of Joshua.  I love Joyce Meyer & am going to see her on my birthday!  I got a magic bullet blender for Christmas and am obsessed with making smoothies!  I am scared of elevators. I fall asleep at stop lights (I am doing a sleep study because that is dangerous).  My favorite movie is Fried Green Tomatoes and I actually ate fried green tomatoes at the real restaurant last summer in Juliet, GA.  I like nice cars. I hate to talk on the phone and would rather text. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers is the best book ever!

Well, that's pretty much me.  Have a great night & God bless you!